Monday, December 24, 2012

Reassurance and Trust: unschooling tools for confidence building

by Beverley Paine

Reassurance...

That's the one thing we want our children to not have to search for outside of themselves when they are adults... Which is why we're doing things so differently to how our parents did things.

The antidote to needing reassurance is simple (to say, hard to do!): Trust.

Deep breath, TRUST.

I used to ask myself: "What's the worse thing that can happen?" when my children were doing things that worried me on some level (and I'd know I was worrying because I'd be seeking reassurance!)

What I'd usually find is that my children weren't in any danger, real or imagined. There might be long term effects and consequences they hadn't thought about that might be real and might actually eventuate, but not necessarily. I'd have to look again at who they were (affirm them as individuals and not little replicas of myself or anyone else). I'd have to examine the origin of my fears - was I parroting something I'd be taught or conditioned to believe, did they have a basis in reality, etc). Examining and 'owning' my fears was particularly empowering. Sometimes just that alone would make the 'problem' go away.

I always need to take a deep breath before I TRUST. It feels like a brave thing to do, something that needs considerable energy to do!

Trust means finding answers within myself, accepting that even if I don't find them, they are there, supporting me. When I need reassurance it is actually easier and less complicated to take a deep breath and trust than to seek reassurance. Wish I did it more often! 



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